and I'm sorry, but this calls for a post!
My goodness...






Okay. Deathcab For Cutie, I've not listened to them in a while, but scrolling through iTunes, I came across them and thought 'You know what, go on'. So there I am, listening to Deathcab, when What Sarah Said came on. Now, I'm not usually one to cry at songs but wow.

The video for this just makes the song so much better, it really does. I love everything about this, and it's probably to do with the fact that I love any song with a piano in, because it's such an amazing instrument. Besides that, the lyrics are beautiful and what with the writing in the video being in french, the so-called "language of love", it really does have an impact on it overall. I mean, if it was in english and easier to read kinda-thing, It wouldn't have much effect on me; english being my first language, but with it being in french, you have to figure it out and translate it. 

The lyrics themselves are actually rather simple, but when you pay close attention to them, you can paint a picture of being in the hospital and can visualise the story. The video, not really relating to the picture I built in my head of being in the hospital and someone (being a girl called Sarah) that meant a lot to me, dying, it shows there can be more than one view on it. At first view to the video, I wondered why at the end the video begins again. I thought at first it was just an error on the video made by the creator, but after a couple of watches I realised it was deliberate. I tend to look into things quite deeply, and realised that, in relation to the video, it starts again because "Sarah" loves the guy so much and despite her efforts he still rejects her, but she's showing that she still loves him despite the fact he doesn't love her back.

DEEP STUFF!
Either way, I'm not bothered, just listen to the song and bask in its beauty.
(Not you Matt, you're too emo for this ;] ) 

<b>ALRIGHT, get this!</b>
I was thinking about this in the shower this morning, and I've completely forgotten what I was going to say... But it was something really good as well! Bastard...

Well anyway, I was on YouTube, and I was watching people's renditions of the song, their remakes of the video, all that stuff, and you know, the more I watched these videos from other people (and no offence to their attempts, which mostly were amazing) it just ruined the song for me. It's so meaningful the way it is; to me, it's perfect. The video, fair enough, has nothing to do with being in a waiting room at hospital BUT IT FITS, and because it's the original, it works that way, and for me, ONLY that way. I love other people's work on it and how they've interpreted it, but I then see it as a different song; not what it is originally. 

Another thing that gets at me, is because of my recent urge to listen to this song so much, I decided to take it upon myself to learn how to play it on piano (and may I add, i have the basics, the chords, the melody... It's just so tricky to put all together with the ornaments and stuff, BUT I'M GETTING THERE!) anyway, yeah, but teaching myself how to play it requires me to break it down into chunks. Fair enough, but that's started to wreck the song for me as well, I mean, as a whole the song is great, amazing, whatever, but broken down it's still a good song but it's not the finished product so it's nowhere near as amazing. Then as well, added on top of that, me with pure trial and error over the top of my speakers on my piano? Wrong chords ruins the mood. Majoy and minor? Don't even try. 

Either way, I'm discontinuing to finish learning this song I think. That, and continue to listen to it's perfection and beauty; or don't listen to it and play it from ear/memory. Or, for the extreme in me, not listen to it ever again, but I really doubt that'll happen.

My mother, AGAIN.

I swear, she says that I have nothing to do with the family but when I tell her things she doesn't listen and forgets.
I FUCKING HATE HER.

I thought that by asking her two days ago if I could sleep in Beth's on sunday night because we're going out on the monday that by her saying "I'll ask your dad" that meant sure, but I'll check. Right? Not just me thinking that then. Well she just asks me then, to make my nightmare from last night come true, that I'm going on sunday afternoon, when I've got the best day of my life, or so it seemed, on monday, then a decent day on Tuesday to have. This is the shittest thing in the world. She thinks she knows everything as well, all like "Friends are only there sometimes, but you're the one complaining about not seeing Lauren for how long so make your mind up." 

How am I supposed to make my mind up when I have been looking forward to monday since it was arranged?
I can't believe this. Just like I said, it's always my life and my plans that go wrong. 


I feel like screaming. My GODDDD.

God, I'd love to be able to pick my family. I swear, there are times when I really dislike them. 

For this post, I've literally just the past two minutes been inspired to write. Okay, so there I am practising clarinet. Fair enough, I'm not fucking quiet, but I cannot stand people listening in. My family don't realise how much they knock my confidence, they really don't. I mean, it got to a point early this year where I wouldn't practise until I knew I was alone in the house for a good while. I just can't play when there are people listening in, i absolutely hate it!

The only person I guess I feel relatively comfortable playing in front of is my music teacher, who I must admit although she annoys me, you've got to love her, she's stuck by me since I was 7 years old for Christ's sake; probably longer than some of my friends. Well, arguably you could say that I play in Concert Band, but at the same time, that's completely different;  it's not solo work, it's, as stated, a band. I can cope with that because I'm in the same boat as other people, and more to the point, I adore going there of a Saturday and now that it's the summer the college isn't open and it leaves me heartbroken until September.

Back to the point though. So there I am playing this piece, when my bloody mother walks in and stands in the door. Immediatly, I stop playing and turn round because I am aware of her presence. She just looks at me and asks why I stopped playing when she knows for a fact that I hate people being there. So she walks away and thinks that I'll carry on if she leaves. That's not it at all, I won't pick up my clarinet for a week now, that's how much it knocks me. I just lose all confidence in that few seconds. I mean, my dad's done it to me before, but I don't mind it that much because he sneaks in and does it real quiet, then leaves, then later when I go downstairs, he'll comment on it. That's okay, it doesn't bother me, it's just when my mum makes her presence so obvious, yet she knows how badly it affects me.

Fuck me, I can't stand that, Just as I was getting into my favourite fucking piece. THANK YOU :@

Unless I'm ranting about something, telling you how much I love a certain band, or I'm having a fit on the keyboard about something that's happened. Whatever, I'll drink to that!

I'd also like to apologise to a select few for poor behavior whilst under the influence. Never again, I fucking promise.





"So I will never look for love again, and I'm taking matters into my own hands."  x

But I haven't posted in about two days so I thought I'd post anyway on basically how well things are going recently.

Well, english lessons have certainly become much easier after doing my presentation on Gunther Von Hagens. More people actually have acknowledged that I exsist in that class, and I'm not just "that girl in our year that sits in the corner of english reading or drawing". I'm not sure which i prefer but I don't mind at the moment. Also, I have the nice little pleasure of knowing I don't have to do a presentation and can watch everyone else squirm with nerves and sweating, clammy palms as they worry and stutture. Harsh, but I do that too, so it's only fair that I get to watch everyone else too, whatever. So now Mr. Hitchen, the devil reincarnated when it comes to coursework, has already given us about five books, decides "Yeah, I won't collect in any of the books I've given them already, but I'll simply give them another!" But I suppose it was just as well because when you have Miss. Murphy as a cover, the best thing to do is just sit and read in silence, but then again, you have no other choice with her, you just do as you're told and not step out of line or you're in for some screaming scouser in your face with her fag breath and off-set plaque-covered teeth right there in your face as she spits at you and you can't move out of fear that she'll just lean forward and bite chunks out of your head. Yes, she's that scary and off-putting.

So, reading Jane Eyre in class for a whole hour in silence, you'd expect me to excel and get a good few chapters read, right? Wrong. I've developed this tactic real well recently where I can get my eyes to just glaze over and I daydream, although I can still see the object that I was focousing on glazing over in the first place. I've not quite mastered blocking out sound yet, but I'll get there soon. Oddly enough, I've also discovered I can sleep with my eyes open, but not for very long. Either way, I can still manage to do it somehow. So, there's Jess Barker "reading Jane Eyre" when really there were other things on her mind, about summer, if I recall correctly. Well, whatever it was, they were some good daydreams because she left the lesson happy, went to form, started to fill in her Connexions form, didn't finish because she couldn't be arsed, went and had murder with Miss. Witter over getting her art folder out the cupboard, got completely drenched despite umberella in hand, went to Tesco's (again) and went home, and dozed off on the couch for a good half hour. Now, here she is in her brother's room, formally known as "Lil Tom Barka" with the window wide open, freezing her tits off and can't shut the window because "Lil Tom Barka" will moan. This is what I do for a living, can you believe it? x